UPDATE: A recent version of this page has arrived, at long last, by way of carrier bat, from Professor Finneus Huntington.
This new version of the page states quite clearly that
Jessica and Kevin feel they are already blessed with all that they need in the world (plus some),
and have – in lieu of a traditional registry – set up two unique options for you.
Option 1: You may peruse their Etsy Store – Broken Boiler Vintage – for items to your liking. Purchasing from this store provides myriad benefits to the couple (they get funds for their honeymoon, gain space in their crowded home, and spread the wonders of Kevin’s curated collections all across the country), and lends you the benefit of becoming a proud owner of something amazing either made or found by Kevin.
Option 2: You may take a look at their Honeymoon Registry, where you might decide to contribute to their Adventure of A Lifetime by gifting them a sightseeing tour of Milan, a Croatian bottle of wine, a trip on a 16th-century sailing ship, or some other soon-to-be-highlight of their honeymoon travels.
“We will honor your presence at the Spectacular Extravaganza as the best possible gift, but kindly will not dissuade, berate, or otherwise inhibit you from perusing these additional, exciting, bestowal registry options!” – The new page, signed Jessica & Kevin
This page is currently in flight from Hamburg by carrier pigeon – namely, a carrier pigeon called Jules.
We expect it soon … however, Professor Huntington (specialist in Avian Studies and Columbidaean Migration and Homing Mechanisms), University of Hamburg, has informed us, by way of carrier bat, that Jules has been hitting the bottle again and may have been waylaid in a Caribbean pirate port.
We have sent the bat back with a message to send the page, again, by this same winged rodent or by another, more temperate pigeon.
Thank you for your ongoing patience in this matter, and if you have any questions, send them to Professor Finneus Huntington, University of Hamburg, TransAtlantic Communication Department. Send your missive by bird or, if you prefer, simply use a telegraph.